Growing up, many of us go through painful experiences that we do not wish to recall; lest it be a source of unease or reopening of childhood traumas. Most of us would bury the memories far into our minds, never processing it, refusing to acknowledge its existence to the point that we do not merely consciously “forget” but we in turn, have come to repress these memories.
Repression can take dangerous turns especially when left unchecked. Repression means that there is a ticking time bomb inside of you waiting to combust at any moment. In some people, it is not a huge outburst, but small increments of it disguising itself in various forms. These lead us to what Psychology calls defense mechanisms, and sometimes these defensiveness can hurt the people we love.
Our mind does repress painful memories in an attempt to control our emotions and allow us for continuing survival. But the beauty of being human is being able to control our thoughts and reflect on ourselves and our direction. We can conquer these attempts of repression by having the courage to open the box and share these memories with ourselves, and possibly others as well.
I’ve opened this box a few years back at the urging of a caring professor who had seen through my façade of fake smiles and rambunctious laughter. In my eyes, he said, was a deep unsettling pain that longs to come out.
After multiple urgings and personality tests that revealed some past experiences that were left unprocessed, I was finally able to share it to him, then eventually to a whole room of people who I didn’t know. At first, I was dubious to how it could possibly help my situation, but in the end, I’ve felt the weight lifted off my shoulders. I was able to share it, I was able to reframe the memory as it was transformed with the addition of new ones.
As I shared it, people in the class offered encouraging words. People empathized and told me their stories. They offered support, more than I could have ever imagined. Slowly, the memories became less painful, and I came to accept that these things are merely part of life, and that I was not alone.
With this module on memory, many might talk about academic learning, but I shall focus on memories which are near and dear to us all. Our personal, episodic memories, which make up who we are today. If you are going through something, if you are still in denial and refuse to share. Know that it’s alright. These things take time. The only support I can offer you is the same quote my professor gave me, and my only hope is that you find the same freedom that I have found after facing my demons and skeletons in the closet.
“You must not convince yourself that you cannot complain about your problems to other people just because they might have bigger problems than you. It is not a contest. People have their own lives to worry about, so just worry about yours. There will always be a bigger problem than yours, and a bigger problem than theirs. But even if yours is the smallest, it is in no way insignificant.”
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